Sparklyandsubversivesoccermom's Blog


Conversations I Imagine
October 22, 2010, 12:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Anyone who also has friended me on Facebook knows that i fucking EXPLODED on that stupidly coy “post your shoe size than add inches to it.  Just post that and dont tell our little secret to those silly men!  They will go nuts trying to figure it out.  Oh and this is for breast cancer awareness and if you don’t do it you are a horrible monster who wants all women to DIE HORRIBLE DEATHS”

Same goes for the stupid, “where you put your purse” one.

It has fuck all NOTHING to do with breast cancer awareness and everything to do with being flirty and suggestive.  To attract who or what i don’t know. Me personally, i don’t want my uncle Jay thinking about where i do it or how long my husbands “golf club” might be.

I imagine several conversations went on like this tonight

Mr. Guy: Hey honey i am home, can we talk?  I had some weird stuff happen to me

Mrs Lady: What’s up, darling?

Mr. Guy: Well, all the ladies at work were calling me Mr. Five and a Half Inches today?  Like Carla and Megan and even that new chick in accounting you went to high school with, Linda.

Mrs. Lady: (giggles) oh honey its a facebook thing, i can’t tell you!!

Mr. Guy: What the hell do you mean ha ha its a facebook thing.  Are you telling people how long my junk is?  Women I work with?  Do you have any idea what this does to my career.  I am up for promotion and now i’ve got people calling me “5.5 on the “rick-ter scale”

Mr. Guy: ALSO I AM A LOT BIGGER THAN THAT AND I WILL TAKE ANY MEASUREMENT TO PROVE IT EVEN CENTIMETERS

Mrs. Lady: Oh its silly, i put my shoe size.  Than i add the word inches to it!  Its flirty and funny! Plus it raises breast cancer awareness.  Its to drive you guys totally insane, hee hee.

Mr. Guy: Like i would be so overwhelmed with built up lust and desire i would explode with the urge to take you and your flirty self on a hawaiian vacation because you are posting things to make people think they know the digits of my swizzle stick

Mrs. Lady: NOW YOU ARE BEING MEAN

Mr. Guy: I suppose the awareness issues from this stirring and exciting viral movement will suddenly cause a geneticist to jump up and shout “I AM TEN INCHES AND ALSO I JUST HAD A EUREKA MOMENT, IT IS SPLICE THE COAXIAL GENE TO THE UNDERLYING CODE AT GENE 27!! I JUST CURED BREAST CANCER”

Mrs. Lady: It raises awareness you monster, don’t you WANT people to be aware?

Mr/ Guy: You clearly have too much time on your hands.  You need a job.  Or a hobby.  But mostly to spend less time on Facebook.

This is what i imagine people are talking about tonight.  It kind of makes me happy

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