Sparklyandsubversivesoccermom's Blog


The Ugly 300 Calorie Vegatable Tian
October 28, 2010, 9:18 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Another 300 calorie lunch I made!  Do not turn away from its hidious looks, it hides the flavor within!!  Also it is a good lesson in not judging a book by its cheesy, delicious cover!!

Ingredients: ( this will make TWO 300 calorie servings)

Also this takes a while to cook so don’t start it if you have just got done working out or something and are the kind of hungry that makes you want to rip the fridge door and inhale all the contents

2 silces whole wheat bread, toasted and turned to crumbs in a food processor.  You could use premade but i think toasting the bread yourself is so much better

2 tsp spices- i used marjoram and thyme and cayenne pepper but i put cayenne pepper in EVERYTHING even occasionally in my own eye, so you may want to omit it.  You CERTAINLY want to omit putting it in your eye.

mix those together, set aside

about 4 cups mixed vegatables FRESH not frozen.  Use the roasty kind- i used mushrooms, zuchinni and eggplant and roasted red pepper, but you could get crazy all up with yourself and throw in some sliced brussel sprouts or carrots or whatever is about ready to expire in your fridge or pantry. Slice them all up coin style.

One cup mixed shredded cheese- i used asiago, mozzarella and parmesan, but more heavy on the mozzarella for the gooey cheese i love you factor.

1/4 cup chicken broth- seriously not that much, just enough to moisten the veggies a touch, they have a lot of natural moisture that they will be cooking in. You could use beef broth too, or even white wine, or even just water if you wanted

I layered this in a loaf pan, 1/2 the veggies, half the breadcrumbs, half the cheese, repeat and drizzle the chicken broth over it.

Bake uncovered for about 50 minutes at 375 degrees.  Eat half when it is cool enough, let the rest sit for lunch the next day.

Happy Facehole Stuffing!!

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No Wonder They Say Television Warps Kids
October 23, 2010, 9:06 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

So M and I are watching Nickelodeon and some guys are singing this charming song about how they want to become polar bears cause they are gentle friendly giants and it occurs to me that in reality polar bears are apex predators who spend most of their days hunting and killing stuff.  Same with “teddy bears” and “stripey tigers” and a whole bunch of other animals that M and N have stuffed and cartoon versions of. I wonder why that is?

I think in real life Diego would probably be mauled to death by half the animals he is trying to save.

Also, sometimes i think WAY too much about things



Conversations I Imagine
October 22, 2010, 12:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Anyone who also has friended me on Facebook knows that i fucking EXPLODED on that stupidly coy “post your shoe size than add inches to it.  Just post that and dont tell our little secret to those silly men!  They will go nuts trying to figure it out.  Oh and this is for breast cancer awareness and if you don’t do it you are a horrible monster who wants all women to DIE HORRIBLE DEATHS”

Same goes for the stupid, “where you put your purse” one.

It has fuck all NOTHING to do with breast cancer awareness and everything to do with being flirty and suggestive.  To attract who or what i don’t know. Me personally, i don’t want my uncle Jay thinking about where i do it or how long my husbands “golf club” might be.

I imagine several conversations went on like this tonight

Mr. Guy: Hey honey i am home, can we talk?  I had some weird stuff happen to me

Mrs Lady: What’s up, darling?

Mr. Guy: Well, all the ladies at work were calling me Mr. Five and a Half Inches today?  Like Carla and Megan and even that new chick in accounting you went to high school with, Linda.

Mrs. Lady: (giggles) oh honey its a facebook thing, i can’t tell you!!

Mr. Guy: What the hell do you mean ha ha its a facebook thing.  Are you telling people how long my junk is?  Women I work with?  Do you have any idea what this does to my career.  I am up for promotion and now i’ve got people calling me “5.5 on the “rick-ter scale”

Mr. Guy: ALSO I AM A LOT BIGGER THAN THAT AND I WILL TAKE ANY MEASUREMENT TO PROVE IT EVEN CENTIMETERS

Mrs. Lady: Oh its silly, i put my shoe size.  Than i add the word inches to it!  Its flirty and funny! Plus it raises breast cancer awareness.  Its to drive you guys totally insane, hee hee.

Mr. Guy: Like i would be so overwhelmed with built up lust and desire i would explode with the urge to take you and your flirty self on a hawaiian vacation because you are posting things to make people think they know the digits of my swizzle stick

Mrs. Lady: NOW YOU ARE BEING MEAN

Mr. Guy: I suppose the awareness issues from this stirring and exciting viral movement will suddenly cause a geneticist to jump up and shout “I AM TEN INCHES AND ALSO I JUST HAD A EUREKA MOMENT, IT IS SPLICE THE COAXIAL GENE TO THE UNDERLYING CODE AT GENE 27!! I JUST CURED BREAST CANCER”

Mrs. Lady: It raises awareness you monster, don’t you WANT people to be aware?

Mr/ Guy: You clearly have too much time on your hands.  You need a job.  Or a hobby.  But mostly to spend less time on Facebook.

This is what i imagine people are talking about tonight.  It kind of makes me happy



My Flash Gordon moments of brilliance.
October 21, 2010, 7:26 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This is going to be probably such “duh” type stuff that you will all resist the urge to slap me in the back of the head Gibbs from NCIS style, but we have an ENORMOUS amount of apples we got from my parents apple trees.  I have made applesauce, dried apples, applesauce brownies ( these are INSANELY delicious, btw) and i still have a giant bag.

So i moved the bag into the car.  Now i don’t have to worry about

1. packing the kids a snack every freaking time we go somewhere

2. the apples stay nice and crisp and cool cause it is nice and crisp and cool outside

3. I have a HEALTHY snack after a workout which cuts down on the post workout “omg jack in the box big cheeseburger meet my gaping facehole NOW”

4. My car smells AWESOME like apples and it covers up the smooshed banana/spilled milk funk that lives in it

Anyway, this isn’t going to literally SAVE anyone’s life or anything, i just thought i would share my 10 second shot of smartyness with you all.



Its Got What Plants Crave, Its Got Electrolytes
October 21, 2010, 1:48 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

So i went to mail a sweatshirt to a friend of mine today, i brought it to the post office and had the following bizarre exchange

Me: Yes, i need this to go to North Bend, using the cheapest shipping method

Postal Employee with Vacant Dead Eyes: OK That will be 30 dollars for overnight, 20 dollars for 2 day mail and 5.25 $ for parcel post.

Me: OK, lets send it Parcel Post

Postal Employee now with Befuddled Expression: But THIRTY dollars gets it there overnight

Me: I prefer parcel post thanks

Postal Employee looking at ME like i am the idiot: It would BE there tomorrow, so don’t you want it to get there tomorrow

Me: Its just a sweatshirt, nothing earth shattering, i will take parcel post.

( also as a note, i had counted out my 5.25$ and put it on the counter already)

Postal Employee Probably Getting Ready to AK-47 me for not picking Overnight mail: Fine, alright then, it COULD have been there tomorrow.  It might not even get there until NEXT WEEK.

Me: I could so totally care less, it is a sweatshirt, not nuclear secrets.

I swear to God I seriously think i am living in the movie Idiocracy someday.  Like that it actually a chilling fact based documentary about the future of mankind and not just a movie from the dude who did  Office Space and has the one Wilson brother dude in it.



My Giant Mutant Tomato is Coming to Kill You
October 21, 2010, 1:46 am
Filed under: Uncategorized



300 Calorie Lunches/ Fake Lasagna
October 18, 2010, 6:43 pm
Filed under: cooking, Uncategorized

This is literally my favorite lunch in the world, starring my all time best friend CHEESE.  Also this is a cinch to make, like 5 min start to finish.  What’s not to love?

anyway, here are the steps

1. take a zuchinni and cut it into circles, fairly thin but not TOO thin.

2. arrange on a plate, microwave for 90 seconds

3. take spaghetti sauce and dot the top ( use a LIGHT hand) with a dab of it

4. Grate about 2 ounces of cheese, sprinkle on top, microwave for another minute, or stick it under the broiler if you are Captain Fancypants

5. Let it’s oooey goodness take you to happy cheese land where i would live for all eternity if i could. Notice i snuck like 4 bites in the time it took me to take a picture!

Also the calorie breakdown is something like

50 calorie zuchinni

50 calorie spaghetti sauce

about 160 calories for 2 ounces of the mozzarella?  I think i estimated a little high on the zuchinni cause i am going from memory cause i am too lazy to open up another browser page.  Or check one of 14 calorie counting apps i have